Choke on that.

Chuck Palahniuk's latest book-to-movie, Choke hit theaters in limited release today. I can't say that I was disappointed, though I wasn't impressed. I had very low expectations for this movie. Here's why. First of all, it was written (adapted) by Clark Gregg, a man with no directorial experience and an acting experience that comes from nothing other than the exact opposite of what Choke was. For those that have read Choke, it's a dark, twistedly humorous, disgusting (at times), pitiful though salacious story. This movie was not. Why Gregg chose to add unfunny scenes and modify/cut those that could have added so much is beyond anything that makes sense to me. Choke was 89 minutes. It could have easily been 120-130. There were so many elements left out that this movie seemed like a Bunny Movies (don't know what they are? Check 'em out.) version of the book.

There were scenes that made me think "Oh, come on, that's not how it would've looked!" but I suppose we all paint a different picture in our mind. Much of the acting took away a lot from what it could have been. Sam Rockwell, who played Victor, the sex crazed main character, did a fine job, as did Anjelica Huston. Everyone else seemed as though they weren't rightly picked and everyone of them seemed as though they didn't read the book. Kelly Macdonald for instance is a great actress, but the character in the novel just didn't seem to be the same character in the movie. This felt the same way for everyone except Sam Rockwell. This is a problem for book to movie adaptations, however. I'm not a casting director, but I do think it would be rather easy to get a poll up for possible actors/actresses to fill the parts of the characters and find out from a potential audience who would be the best fit. Make sense? It should.

The music for the movie was done by Radiohead. This was a definite plus. It went perfectly with the story, too bad the movie couldn't as well. I don't so much understand why Gregg was allowed to do this movie as he has 0 experience in the genre. Perhaps the next adaptation of Palahniuk's will go to someone more like David Fincher. Fight Club was a classic, Choke won't be remembered in another two months.

The good 'ol days.

Ahh, remember back in the day (a wednesday) when this site actually had a consistent amount of posts? I don't either, since it never really did. BUT it did in fact have more efficient postings than it does now. Sadly, much like the disappearance of posts, there has been a disappearance of good movies. This weekend we had Lakeview Terrace and My Best Friend's Girl and some other crap that's not even worth mentioning. I didn't see either of these movies because I was in Mexico, obviously having a better time than I could have sitting in a theatre with these. Before my journey to our southern friends in NAFTA that bear the flag of the 'green, the white... and the red', I saw the film Righteous Kill.

Don't see this movie. If you have any respect for good cinema or good plot and half a brain to decide when the opposite is true, you will not appreciate this movie, just as you shouldn't. It is entirely unoriginal, has poor acting, a paper thin plot, and unfunny, old-man humor. When I say old-man humor I mean the type of humor that you could see a used up old timer spittin' out to his buds at a cheap bar while sipping a glass of Johnny Red, smoking a Camel, wearing a too-cool-for-school leather jacket, and having a semi-sweatty brow from a game of bacci. Pacino and DeNiro's interactions are painful to watch as the cut up about the 'new days on the force'. Even worse is a nudeless sex scene between DeNiro and Carla Gugino. It's obscenely obvious that the two Italian greats are far beyond their prime and are no longer cut out for action flicks. To put things into perspective, Marlon Brando was younger than both DeNiro and Pacino when The Godfather was released. I suppose Righteous Kill does the favor of allowing the elderly feel young again as they blow their noses into their button-down, pastel sweaters. For the rest of us, it'll only make us think of our grandparents in a new light, one that should never be turned on.

Ha! You think it's a Schwinn!

The Coen brothers are back after their recent 4 oscar wins with Burn After Reading. This is definitely unlike No Country for Old Men but then again, looking at the brother's track record, few movies of theirs are similar to the rest, save for the witty dialogue. Burn After Reading seems to be a combination of Fargo and The Big Lebowski in terms of plot and wtf moments. There's no need to explain the plot of BAR, you should really just see it for yourself, but the acting is truly what makes this movie great. The actors are all at their best. Clooney plays an awkward womanizer, Pitt plays a confused, slightly-more-than-stupid-but-slightly-more-than-eccentric physical trainer, Tilda Swinton plays the same oscar winning bitch role that she did in Michael Clayton, Frances Mcdormand plays a naive but more keen witted physical trainer in search of funding for body augmentation (plastic surgery, not cybernetics, though that could be pretty cool), and John Malkovich plays a moderately crazed though extremely pissed off recently fired CIA analyst that cooked up the whole plot of the movie. The prize for best on stage presence should be divided among all these characters as they all (except Swinton because she showed nothing new)do an amazing job and prove that they can really act. Though not a main character, J.K. Simmons leaves a fat mark in this movie as having the most comedic performance. Some of his lines were actually hard to hear because his delivery caused the entire theatre to go up in laughter. Burn After Reading is definitely a drama but the amount of comedy in it could bring the genre up for debate, even with Simmon's and Pitt's performances alone. See this movie now, I don't see it winning any oscars but it'll be another title for the Coen Brothers Classic box set.

Okay cock sucker, fuck with me and we'll see who shits on the sidewalk

Yes, that is an actually line from Death Race, Universal's (surprise!) remake of the 1975 classic, Death Race 2000. Whatever made the 3 time oscar nominee Joan Allen utter this confusing, slightly awkward line must have a high monetary value because this movie was about as deep as a paper plate. Where the movie fails in just about every way possible in terms of back story and sincerity, it more than makes up in raw, twisted, kick-you-in-the-throat carnage. Jason Statham plays his typical pissed-off, out for revenge role (ahh, remember the good ol' days of Snatch. and Lock Stock? No? Well apparently Statham's agent doesn't either) and succeeds with every snide british remark and crack to the jaw. Tyrese plays the too cool for school Machine Gun Joe and is rewarded with hilarious lines that rival 2 Fast 2 Furious (sadly he won't be in the 4th installment of the series).

Death Race is basically a real life Twisted Metal (Playstation) and will give fans of fast cars, violence, and Cuban women just what they're looking for. It's a typical action movie, but one that'll give you quite a few "Holy Sh*t!" moments. The death scenes are as creative as they are intense and the races themselves would make any NASCAR fan need a change of shorts. It certainly won't be a classic but for what it is, a hard core, YEAH MOTHERF$#&@^! type flick, it's pretty good. Good enough for your dollar and most likely to be played quite often on Spike TV.

What do *you* mean, you people?

In the past I truly underestimated going into a movie with extremely low expectations. Sometimes that in and of itself can turn out to become a self-fulfilling prophecy, but I am happy to say that in the case of Tropic Thunder it paid off. This is not a great movie. This is not a good movie. This is an okay movie with a few incredible scenes.
Robert Downey Jr. steals every single scene he's in. Surprisingly, Ben Stiller plays a much better character in this film then his past roles as a pathetic man which is mostly just awkward over being funny. Jack Black seemed to just be wasted space, although when he is tied to a tree, he quite possibly has the funniest scene in the movie.
I'll leave it at this: you'll enjoy this movie if you go in with low expectations. If they gave Academy Awards for comedy roles, I think Downey Jr. would have a solid shot at it.

I'm just a dude playing a dude pretending to be another dude.

Tropic Thunder... kinda a mixed bag. It was funny at times but at others it tried and failed. The story itself was believable (not that it matters) but it seemed that many scenes, along with characters, were useless, ie everything having to do with Jack Black and the whole Tivo bit. Many lines also seemed to be thrown together at the last minute after all the good lines from the funny bin were used and thus just weren't that funny. Where the script sometimes failed, the acting by a couple kept the movie alive.

Robert Downey Jr. was nothing short of incredible. Never in the entire movie did he play his stereotypical sarcastic, arrogant, sleeze ball role that can be seen in nearly every other movie he's been in. Granted those roles are great (who didn't love Kiss Kiss Bang Bang?) but playing two different characters was quite impressive.

Ben Stiller was Ben Stiller... playing the exact same role in every other movie he's been in (save Zoolander, and on the VMA's when he played Tom Crooze back in 2000). It seems he's going down the same road as Jason Biggs, getting that same unthrilling role every time. Perhaps he should stick to writing/directing. Like Stiller, Jack Black won't be among the reasons to see Tropic Thunder. There was very little funny about his fat/useless character nor much reason why he was in the movie at all.

Tom Cruise proved that he can actually act. True, he may be one notch lower than Mel Gibson on the crazy scale (yes, it does exist and is used throughout Zimbabwe), in a tad-bit motive questionable marriage and believe in a religion coined by a science fiction writer in 1952 (go to Wikipedia and type in Scientology and try to believe that people actually take it seriously without laughing), BUT the man played a role that rivals that of Robert DeNiro's role in Stardust or Ving Rhames in I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry. Seeing Jerry Maguire scream obsenities that would shame Ari Gold while dancing to Get Low by Flo Rida is worth the $9.50 alone.

Oh, and although I loved The Goblet of Fire, The Order of the Phoenix didn't really tickle my fancy so I can't say I'm overly excited for the Half Blood Prince, but it was definitely a smart move on Warner's part. After all, the movie business is in fact a business and CEO's need that new Gulfstream V (Go back to wikipedia and look it up, McConaughey's character wouldn't have considered selling out Stiller's for nothing). But like you said, it pinches the time frame between that and the next one. It'll be interesting to see how it measures up with those that haven't been released over the summer.

HBP MTJ

For those of you unfamiliar with my abbreviations (above) Half-Blood Prince has been Moved To July. That's right, the sixth installment of the Harry Potter series has been moved from November to July today, which is pretty hilarious considering that TODAY's issue of Entertainment Weekly features Mr. Potter himself on the cover for the fall line up. Ouch, talk about your false advertising. Being a Potter fan myself (yeah i said it) and HBP being my 2nd favorite book, (to POA of course) I was mildly upset at the news. But can you blame Warner Brothers, with the success of TDK as a July release, why not go for two summers in a row with HBP. On the upside, this does shorten the gap between the sixth Harry Potter film and the first half of the seventh book. Drew I can't remember where you stand on the Potter front, thoughts?